Sample by My Essay Writer
“Are you ready, Bunny?,” Dimitri asked as he pulled into the warehouse parking lot and began driving to the far end where Ed and Marco were waiting.
“Yeah, I’m a little worried. Ed is not a careless man.”
As soon as Dimitri came to a stop, he opened the car door and rolled out onto the ground. He rose with a single movement and was shooting by the time he planted his feet. Dimitri took them both by surprise. Even though they had planned to kill both Bunny and Dimitri, they had counted on surprising them and had left their guns in their holsters. Dimitri’s first shot took Marco in the shoulder and the second hit him in the neck. He followed this up with a third round to the chest. By this time, Ed had his Sig Sauer out and was returning Dimitri’s gunfire. Bunny raised her hands to her ears as if the muffling of the sound would minimize the effects of the bullets that were striking her lover. Ed was also wounded now and, remembering the gun Dimitri gave her, she extended her arm and fired three shots in rapid succession. Each struck Ed in the middle of his chest and, despite his size and the small caliber of the gun she used, Ed groaned and dropped to his knees. A final shot from Dimitri forced Ed onto his back where he lay still. His breath rattled in his chest for a few seconds and then stopped. He was dead.
Her relationship with Ed began six years prior. Ed was a junior partner of her father and it was he who pushed her into marrying the man. It was beautiful, she had to admit. The haute couture gown, the five layered cake with gold flakes, the secluded location, and the swans in the lake; her choice of beautifully modern floral blends of white flowers: freesia, white lily and muguet, combined with narcissus, reflected her personality. Everything was perfect except, as it turned out, the groom. No one would guess he had killed men with his bare hands. Under his perfectly tailored, double-breasted Dolce & Gabbana tuxedo, Ed bore scars left by bullets and another from a knife. He gave the appearance of being an accomplished entrepreneur, but on the mean streets of the city he was a gangster who was renowned for his cruelty. Bunny had initially resisted marrying Ed, but her father told her that she would come to love Ed in time and that such a marriage would lead to peace between his faction of the mob and Ed’s. “You could be saving my life,” her father said. Initially, Ed was an attentive lover. He showered her with gifts and took her on vacations to exotic places. Life was good and if she did not see stars or fall in love the way she had always imagined she would, she did at least become very fond of Ed. This all ended after Bunny’s father was killed in a car accident. His Bugatti failed to make the turn on a winding mountain road and he was killed. There were rumours that his death had been engineered, but no evidence to support this claim was ever discovered. Bunny needed no evidence, however. Once her father was in the ground, Ed began abusing her. He did not strike her or anything like that, but everything she did became the subject of arguments that she could never win. He stopped touching her. In fact, she spent most of her nights alone while Ed would spend his out on the town. Bunny became extremely lonely.
This went on for several cold and loveless years. Ed was always away on business trips. Bunny was not left alone, however. Whenever Ed left the house, he arranged for someone to spend the night on the grounds of their mansion. He would patrol the grounds during the day and spend his nights in the gatehouse at the entrance to their property. The guards were regularly rotated. Most were hulking brutes that could do little more than grunt. That’s the way it was until Dimitri came to work for Ed. He was different. He was tall and had an athletic build, rather than that of a weightlifter. He also smiled a lot and made an effort to speak to her whenever she came outside to use the pool.
He was charismatic, magnetic, and electric, even though his exterior was hard as nails. A compassionate glimmer in his eyes revealed a softness that existed just below the surface. Bunny was instantly smitten, and from that moment on, she made sure to look her best whenever he was around. She justified her behavior by reasoning that she did not have much of a husband. He is always out with ladies and hookers. What’s the point of having wealth if I’m not happy with my life? Why can’t I have a friend, too?
She was a beautiful woman, and despite the danger of engaging in illicit affairs, Dimitri eventually succumbed and nature took its course. On a late spring night, Bunny was at her sister’s house for dinner. Her sister insisted that Dimitri join them at dinner instead of waiting for her in the car. It began with a bit of harmless flirting when they found themselves alone in the room. Emboldened by the wine she had drank, Bunny took things further and further until they got into the car. Once he had driven her back home she smiled and asked him in for a drink. One drink led to several, and in her bedroom her fantasies came true.
They knew they were taking an enormous risk and did their best to minimize the chances of getting caught. They only made love when Dimitri was assigned to guard the property. They never exchanged gifts because even the smallest thing could give them away. Bunny did not know if what she was feeling was love, but she was sure that whatever it was, it was better than the cold, dead sensation that had been her life since her father died.
They loved to go out to their favorite little place, called the Corner Suite. It was a French restaurant with elaborate Baroque architecture, black and white checkered marble floors, little round tables and an efficient and discreet staff. The Corner Suit was perched on a hill overlooking the ocean. The only thing in between the sparkling blue water and this café was a perfectly manicured golf course, which made for an exquisite view that many secret lovers enjoyed. It had a terrace big enough to fit two Olympic sized pools. It was well decorated with lemon trees and white flowers. The cool breeze flowing through the terrace carried a fresh scent of citrus. Bunny, in fact, loved the Corner Suite because Ed refused to go there. “The place is too French and fruity for a real man,” he had proclaimed.
They say that the only way for two people to keep a secret is if one of them is dead, and affairs are invariably exposed. It happened innocently enough. During one of their relatively civilized conversations, Bunny called Ed Dimitri and then exacerbated her mistake by calling him sweetie in the next sentence. She did not notice her mistake until she looked up and saw the hatred in Ed’s eyes. Hoping to leave him with the impression that her use of Dimitri’s name meant nothing, she continued to sweet talk Ed, making certain to use his name in conjunction with the endearments. She could tell, however, that Ed was not fooled. After he left the house, she raced to a phone to warn Dimitri.
“My God,” she cried; “he knows, he knows.” She screamed as soon as Dimitri answered. “I am so sorry! I made an innocent mistake! My God, he will kill us both!”
“Calm down, Bunny. Tell me exactly what happened. Don’t leave anything out.”
Bunny related her conversation with Ed, and Dimitri agreed they needed to come up with a plan if they were going to survive.
“He is bound to call me. I will wait until he does and we’ll take it from there.”
Less than an hour later Dimitri phoned Bunny and told her Ed wanted him to pick Bunny up and meet him at the 6th Avenue warehouse. “It’s a perfect place for what he has in mind. It’s at the end of town in an industrial park. There will be no one around at this time of night. I have an idea, though. I’ll explain it when I pick you up,” he reassured her.
“Don’t come here!,” Bunny cried. “We need to run!”
“There is no place for us to go, Bunny. Even if we did get away, what would we do for money? Neither of us has any money and being a gangster is all I know how to do. Ed would find us in no time. No, it is better if we meet with him and pretend we do not realize that he knows about us. Trust me. Once this is over, we will get married and live like regular people.”
When Dimitri arrived at Bunny’s home, he took one look at the white Chanel dress and the string of pink pearls she was wearing, and then sent her upstairs to change. “Jeans would be best. Just make sure they have back pockets.” Once they were in the car, Dimitri handed Bunny a small automatic pistol. “It’s a double-action Beretta. All you have to do is pull the trigger and it will shoot,” he told her. “It holds five bullets. No one would expect you to have a gun, so you will be able to get close to Ed or whoever is with him and squeeze the trigger until they fall down.
“Do you really want to marry me?,” Bunny asked, stupidly.
“Jesus, Bunny! Focus on the present. We need to survive the next hour or so first. I will take care of everyone I can. You shoot whoever is left. They know I am armed but they will expect me to get out of the car and talk to them. I am going to start shooting the minute I get out of the car. Everyone will be looking at me. You will be able to get close to whoever I don’t get, and end it. Do you think you can do it?,” Dimitri asked.
Bunny answered honestly. “I don’t know. I have fired guns before but never at a person.”
“Don’t think about that,” Dimitri told her. “Just think about what Ed will do to us if we don’t kill him.”
It took them almost an hour to reach the end of 6th Avenue and make the turn that would take them behind the warehouse.
“Are you ready, Bunny?,” Dimitri asked as he pulled into the warehouse parking lot and began driving to the far end where Ed and Marco were waiting.
“Yeah, I’m a little worried about your plan. Ed is not a careless man.”
As soon as Dimitri came to a stop, he opened the car door and rolled out onto the ground. He rose with a single movement and was shooting by the time he planted his feet. Dimitri took them both by surprise. Even though they had planned to kill both Bunny and Dimitri, they had counted on surprising them and had left their guns in their holsters. Dimitri’s first shot took Marco in the shoulder and the second hit him in the neck. He followed this up with a third round to the chest. By this time, Ed had his Sig Sauer out and was returning Dimitri’s gunfire. Bunny raised her hands to her ears as if the muffling of the sound would minimize the effects of the bullets that were striking her lover. Ed was also wounded now and, remembering the gun Dimitri gave her, she extended her arm and fired three shots in rapid succession. Each struck Ed in the middle of his chest and, despite his size and the small caliber of the gun she used, Ed groaned and dropped to his knees. A final shot from Dimitri forced Ed onto his back where he lay still. His breath rattled in his chest for a few seconds and then stopped. He was dead.
Bunny rushed to Dimitri. A large bloodstain was soaking the shoulder of his shirt and a second one covered his hip. He looked up and smiled. “We made it.” He gasped.
“I was thinking on the way here,” Bunny said quietly. “I read an article once. It claimed that a man may fool around on his wife but never on his mistress. If you marry me, I will be in the same boat that I was in with Ed. Eventually you will tire of me and get yourself a girlfriend. Meanwhile, I will still be a gangster’s wife. As things stand at the minute, I am a wealthy widow who is a free as a bird. All the men in my life betrayed me. I doubt if you would turn out to be any different.” Bunny raised the Beretta and fired the two remaining rounds into Dimitri’s head, dropped the gun beside Ed’s body and walked back to the car.
I think all the exercises are great tools in revisions. Stepping away helps out with macro-revisions. I used this first to change my story. It helped me to see the bigger picture. For this revision I re-wrote all of the verbs in my paragraph. I put them in the thesaurus and picked another good choice for the story. This was very helpful in developing your story because it gives your story dimension and really expands the vocab within the story. Sometimes I get caught using the same words and not really expanding the vocabulary.
Here is my reasoning for the changes:
After reading my story many times, I became aware of several holes in my plot.
Ed would not let Dimitri live if he had been having an affair with Bunny.
As crazy as I portrayed Ed to be, he would not shoot anyone in a restaurant. Too many witnesses. He would have to kill them all so it is better to move the ending to a secluded place.
I also thought I had complicated things too much with conversation between Bunny and Dimitri before they began their affair.
The murder of John in the restaurant was bizarre to add in. I did that to expand on Ed’s craziness. Besides that, I can’t see a guy as crazy as Ed getting to be the big boss. I also realized that Ed wasn’t a very good shot for a gangster, so I eliminated his shooting spree.
Finally, I wanted to let Bunny live. I wanted her to turn out to be the smart one who survives and goes on to have her own life. The idea pleases me greatly.
When I realized that I would be expected to read the story on tape I decided to remove the section that contained all the swearing. The idea of saying these words out loud made me uncomfortable and so I eliminated them.
